BETRAYED

I have dreams. Chasing it is what I'm trying to do. It's not easy neither is it hard. I wonder why some people expect me to only impress them and not me. They don't care whether or not I'm hurting. I stay quiet so that I can keep them out of my way but they just can't get the concept of it.
Ever wondered what would happen if you had a chance to say no. Well I have to do what they what to keep them happy. Anxiety is what I have. I don't do this willingly. I just want to escape from all of this,but if I leave this I'm risking everything. And what if I just disappear will they try to look for me or the will be more happy. 
I may be a burden to them;that's what I always think of. They act so calm but I can see it. They act all lovely towards me but I can hear them gossip at my back.
I was back stabbed by my very close friend. He was not only my friend but he was my joy,pride and also the boy I once loved. It still hurts though I keep I lowkey. I hope some day he'll realise how he left someone important to just walk away. I could have done anything rather than walking away. I thought he had a reason why. So I gave him the space he wanted. 
Healing is hard. Or maybe he needed to heal from something else by using me. But he left me hurt in the process of healing himself. I wish I could have just hugged him and tell him I'll always be there for him. I wish I knew he just wanted to use me.i could have just walked away wisely. 
It's sad to see him happy with some other girl. They look good together though. But it hurts when I see them together. When I'm just crying on my bed as if the universe will have mercy on me. But all in all u have to move on.

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