scared

Scared. I don't know why but every moment I close my eye I still see his image.His eyes looking back at me with a sweet smile on his face. Can't stop looking back at those eyes. But all of it is just a day dream. Back to reality I'm actually scared. Scared of those ocean eyes. Scared of that smile. Scared of his touch. 
Healing is what I've been dreaming of,but the memories keep haunting me. Still scared of others, because he left a big hole behind and I'm afraid of making it bigger. 
Falling back to the same position is what I don't want to do. I want to dissappear, but if i leave I'll be risking everything. Anxiety is killing me right now. I cry out loud but no one can hear it because I can't make a sound. I hide my tears because I don't want anyone to think I'm weak. I can't believe I was will to drop everyone because of that one person who can't even see it. Aaaaaaaaaargh!!!! Why was I so dump to think this could work. I had hopes in it but he didn't see that. He was just a pessimistic person. It's funny of how I expected the unexpected. I mean loving each other forever. 
Maybe we could have worked things out, but our thing was not love it was just a game. A game that I was playing and I didn't now about. I can't forgive myself for trusting him. I will leave with guilt instead. Until it kills me. 
Oooh it already did. I'm a living dead now. I'm not the same person I used to be. I isolate myself from others. I pretend I'm okay but I'm not.
Why I'm I doing this to myself. I mean the person I'm crying about doesn't even care. He never cared and will never care. I bet he does regret any of the things he had done for him he was right. 
I was once the beautiful girl everyone wanted. Hahaha. But as usual everyone come and they go. 

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scars

When you take a scalpel and pass it through your skin, what would happen? Of course you will have a wound . But it won't last long before it heals. It can form a scar but it will just vanish soon. Lets think of something else. For instance love . The word looks innocent. But it can destroy a person. It leaves a big scar. Which no one can fix. It does not have to be a romantic love. Although it counts. There is friends, family. They are part of love. Someone you love can live a scar by words only. The words dig through your heart until it becomes a big scar. Sometimes it cannot be the words , it could be the actions . The way someone treats you can dig a hole in you heart until it becomes a scar. You will try to ignore it but the harder you try the more you become hurt.  The  scars  now leads to other thoughts of healing it. The only thing you can think of is escaping it. How exactly? Uuum death  is the only idea you can think off. But what's the point anyways. Isn't ...
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